Virginia Does Not Care if You Went to the Chapel

Did you know that hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about marrying my wife? Usually it takes the form of a small daydream about being the first in line at our local courthouse when it finally becomes legal. I wonder what I would need to do to finagle that. Would it help that we were in the paper several times? Sometimes I wonder if we would plan a big party and I consider the venues. I think about new rings. I think about my daughter as a flower carrier or ring bearer. Sometimes she is six. More often she is sixteen. I dream about saying I Do all over again. Sometimes, like today, I feel like it’s too far away to even consider (though I do anyway). There are days when I worry it will be so long that her wheelchair and my cane won’t fit through the courthouse doors.

I have no idea when I’ll get to stop thinking about marriage in Virginia. It won’t be today, that’s for sure.

10 Responses

  1. As someone who married in a neighboring state and then her state legalized same sex marriage, it’s not always necessary or allowed to get married again in your state. In my state, it isn’t allowed to remarry your spouse, and if you do, you may be opening yourself up for legal issues about when exactly you were legally married.

    • I work with a few folks who were married elsewhere and there a *teensy* bit of superiority about it. I try to be gracious when I say she’s my wife even though, no, we didn’t cross state lines to do it. It’s aggravating now but I think I’ll be happy in the long run to wait and do it here.

  2. I hope it’s a reality for you long before RR is 16. I just love that it’s a more a matter of when than if. When we were 16, it was way more of an if! (Though I’m almost relieved it wasn’t legal back then, because I likely would have married my first girlfriend in my very early 20s, and what a disaster that would have been…)

    • I can only imagine where I’d be if everyone could just get married willy nilly. You’re right – that’s definitely a plus side!

  3. That article pissed me off at first and then it made me think (I hate it when that happens).

    My wife and I just got married in another state and had been assuming that we would have to file federal taxes together and state taxes separately since our state, like Virginia, doesn’t recognize same sex marriage. It never even occurred to me that we might be able to file state together. But unlike virginia there isn’t (yet) a constitutional amendment against it here- so that article makes it seem like that makes filing together stateside a possibility?!

    Ugh, it’s all so complicated.

    Alternatively, the US federal government/Supreme Court could just get their heads out of their asses, make it simple for everyone, and say gay marriage is legal, period. But, you know, I guess that would be too easy.

  4. My people. Bless their backward hearts.

  5. HRC is pretty determined to get all 50 states in 5 years. Ambitious, but they’ve done an outstanding job thus far. We’ve jumped from 0 to 16 in a rather short span of time and the number of states that pass marriage equality legislation increases every year. One of my very best friends lives in VA and I’d LOVE for him and his partner to be able to marry there. Fingers crossed!!!

  6. Hoping it will be sooner, rather then later for you.

  7. This is poignantly well-written, all the more so because I grew up in this so-called land for lovers. I’m quite fond of where I live now (well, usually) and there’s little to no chance of getting my wife to leave the area, but it does make me sad to realize how far my home state will go to make me feel unwelcome and how difficult it would be if I needed to go back to care for the family I still have there. Sigh. Here’s hoping for single rather than double digits when RR’s mamas get the respect they deserve and good on you for knowing how you want to do it!

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