Well, that sucks.

I ran out of things to say when I realized we would have to do this again.  We’ll be seeing when she ovulates.  We’ll have the parade of spermWe’ll probably consider all the symptoms.  Then we’ll see what happens at the end.  And here we are, at the end, and this is definitely the part that sucks.

You know, my mother wouldn’t let us say sucks.  It was right up there with the denizens of hell themselves, hell, of course, and shit damn stupid frigging/fragging/flipping and any variation thereof.  Mind, this is the same woman who didn’t abide the words what (pardon me instead) or bored (you were not.  and would not ever be.)  She was a fan of vocabulary and its proper use and cursing was just as bad as hinting or non-specific language.

Good: May I have a cookie?  Bad: Wouldn’t a cookie taste so good?
Good: Mom, let’s play a game.  Bad: Mom, I’m borrrreed.
Good: I don’t like my sister.  Bad: Stupid dumbhead.  You suck. (Yes, that was the best we could manage.  Sucks was a serious infraction!)

Given my adult propensity for colorful language, it seems silly to get hung up on the word sucks.  but, as soon as I typed it, I thought – isn’t there another word you could use?  Something better?  More precise?  Can’t you say how frustrated you are without using that word?  Friends, the answer to that is no.

I am frustrated.  I want to know if we could have made it work by doing something differently.  I want to know why it took so long for her period to come and, when it did, why it behaved like a petulant teenager, sulking for days before getting on with it.  I want to know if we should be doing anything differently this time.  I want to know why I can’t just relax.

The odds were against us, they still are.  But they’re against everyone and we aren’t special for failing.  It still sucks.

2 Responses

  1. Don’t despair (said I, banging my head against the wall, terribly annoyed [ = read pissed off] for having to wait another cycle).

    It’s like going to the post three times a day to see if the letter you have been waiting for has arrived. You know that the letter should be here by now, by somehow it got delayed or even worse, lost.

    I doubt there is something you could do better, unless the doctor tells you to take that pill or I-dunno-what thingie.

    Wishing and hoping is the best you can do (next time I’ll try hopping instead, maybe this is where I got it wrong until now).

    And of all times, her period chose THIS time to be late, huh? I swear, sometimes I think this period is doing it on purpose, just to play mind games with us.

    Hang on. Try not to let it get to you. It’s hard, but with a lot of laughter and tenderness, you can keep your sanity.

  2. For me it wasn’t my mom, but my dad who wouldn’t let us say “sucks.” And here I thought he was the only one. And YES! our periods do play mind games with us! That’s the only explanation.

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