I love my wife very much.  And I love our life together.  We have a marvelous time going to beer festivals, carnivals, demolition derbies, restaurants, movies, playing with the dog, cooking detailed suppers and watching football while eating pizza and cheering…loudly.  We’re cozy.  We’re happy.

We knew that trying to have a baby would change some things.  She takes a vitamin.  She drinks less coffee.  I scoop the litter boxes.  She avoids peeing until 11.  I lift the heavy things.  We don’t drink.  We get rest.  We plan around potential positives or negatives.  They’re small things, really.  Nothing compared to the changes brought by a child.  That’s okay with us.

So we made a list.  It isn’t a long one, since most of the things we really want to do, we just do.  This is the list:

Go to Blue Mountain Brewery
Have sex in the middle of the afternoon
Go to dentist
Invite Ds drummer and his girlfriend down for the weekend
Go to the demolition derby
Start taking vitamins
Go to the amusement park

Okay, so I edited the list slightly.  It was hot sex. There were unspoken check boxes too.  Celebrate a friend’s wedding.  D being able to play a show not pregnant.  Having a chance to tell my parents we were trying before I had to tell them we had tried.

We’ve been to the summer destinations (derby, check; roller coasters, check).  She’s got the vitamins under control.  We’ve invited our friends – though informally.  Parents, wedding, show.  Check.  The others are…not done.  She hasn’t been to the dentist.  We haven’t been to the brewery.  We’ve been keeping our other, ahem, pursuits to the evening hours.

I wonder if having that list mentally held us back last time.  We really wanted to go to our friend’s wedding and be able to celebrate without having to worry about making excuses for not raising a glass.  Or two.  I know D wanted to be able to stand on stage with her band and not have any sign of showing.  We wanted to spend the day laughing on rides that are off-limits to the pregnant women.  I wonder if all those what ifs kept us from what could be.

That’s probably wishful thinking, that being pregnant can be manipulated with progress on a list.  But you know how it is when you’re not ready for something?  No matter how hard you wish for it, it just doesn’t happen?  Maybe that’s where we are this time.  Wouldn’t that be nice?

One Response

  1. Considering how much stress can play a role in whether or not conception occurs, your theory might not be so farfetched. Best of luck to you this month!

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: