Rent

We’re paying rent on Vegas’ baby brother.

We didn’t have much faith in the getting knocked up process.  We assumed that we’d give it three tries and see if it took and then reevaluate.  We carefully picked a donor, flew his junk to town and plopped it into cold storage to await the seductive call of D’s hooha.

Two seductive calls later (well, one was more of a semi-seductive squawk) and we’re the proud soon-to-be-parents of our donor’s contribution.  And that leaves a third vial in the vault.  I’m not sure what to do with it, besides paying $40 a month room and board.  We might not want another child.  We might want five more (probably not).  Regardless, it sits there, alone, sending us a bill every month.

Even if we do go for a second child, we’ll probably need more than one shot.  So do we store up on donor Good Job the First Time by buying a couple of samples now?  Do we keep paying rent on our lonely guy just in case?  Do we send him off to sperm heaven and hope for the best when we try again?

Biased it may be, but I’d like our kids (if there is more than one) to have the same father so that they share a common gene pool with a second person.  I’m already completely out of the equation, so it would be nice to give Vegas someone with whom he shares a smile or a laugh.  On the other hand, I’m a miser who can’t stand the idea of paying $480 a year so that we have a slim chance some time in the future if we ever wanted it of getting Vegas a baby brother.

What’s more valuable, living in a family with a brother and mother with whom you share genes and an extra random mother or living in a family with a mother whose genes you share and an extra random mother and brother?

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10 Responses

  1. We know we want more than one kid, so we went and bought lots of vials of our donor once Justine got pregnant. It was important for us that we used the same donor for all our kids, just because we have an ID release donor and someday they might meet him. Good luck with whatever you decide.

  2. I found my attachment to our donor got very strong once our daughter was born. We stocked up and paid the rent (but we’d also always been planning on two). In our case though, I was planning to carry our second kid (my wife carried our first), so if they were going to have a genetic link at all we needed the same donor (and yes, if we’d needed to switch donors, it would have been fine, but I really that extra connection to our first, and we wanted an extra link between our kids. I’m glad it worked).

    I’m not completely up to date on your story, but is there any chance you might want to carry your second? (really, sincere apologies if I’m completely missing something as a recent reader) If there is *any* chance you might like to, I’d say stock up. It seems silly to pay “rent” on one vial, but less silly to pay rent on a small collection (and I assume storage fees would be the same). This is assuming you have some cash available.

  3. Also, you aren’t just an “extra random mother” (though I get what you were saying–somewhat tongue in cheek I assume)

  4. This has been someting Violet and I have talked about a lot. At first we definetely wanted all of our children to have a genetic link through the donor. It even became something that really stressed me out, because we are not in a financial position to buy 10 extra sibling vials while we were also trying to conceive. So before actually starting to conceive we took some time to really think about this question.

    The end result being that since we are not all that tied up with the idea of genetics making a family we decided to not worry if we can use the same donor. Plus the only genetic tie would be to the donor, which is someone that they might meet as he is id consent, but to think that the genetic connection is through someone who has no bearing on our childs life, until they are 18, seemed not as important as it did at the beginning.

    Anyway, we did not want to become obsessed and commiited emotionally to all or our children having the same donor as it might not work out in the end. I will be carrying the second time so who knows how long it will take and there is a chance that I could run out of stored vials beofre getting pregnant and I could imagine when you get down to one of two vials that the stress of getting pregnant must be pretty hard.

    But wo knows what I will feel once we have a child.

    Wow, that was the longest comment I have ever left. I actually had more to say, but stopped myself as I was hogging the comment space.

  5. such fantastic and thoughtful comments all. I really appreciate it – that second baby is already more demanding than the first!

  6. Hey uh… I had no idea you all were blogging! Found ’em both! Neat!

    Unless this isn’t who I think?

  7. i wish i could say that ive thought about this, but i cant even imagine getting pregnant once! There are only 10 cycles/ 20 ccs vials of our donor, as of november no one else was using him. So, it’s an interesting question. But we havent even commited to more than one kid. What are storage fees? One flat fee, or the rate goes higher the more vials?

  8. Lots of Merediths, only one Meridith– so…

  9. I’ve been reading your wife’s blog and decided to read yours to get the other side of the story. And, of course, I commented on one of her entries four months late. And I hated to make you feel left out.

    You ask “what’s more valuable” sharing genes or having random family members. I think I can answer this. If all of my brothers and sisters gets together, we are, in birth order, a stepbrother, me, a half brother, a half sister, and a full brother. We have 3 dads and 4 moms. There are 4 last names. There are two brothers-in-law (so, 5 last names if you count that my brother and his husband don’t have the same last name), 2 nieces, and 1 nephew. if you count my siblings’ siblings that i’m not related to, there are another 2 sisters and 5 brothers.

    So, I can unequivocally answer your question. No one is random. Family is family. But growing up alone has got to suck–there’s no one else to blame for the trouble you cause. 😉

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