Cozy Toasty Balmy Flushed Thermal Snug


This morning I pressed right up against your mother and relished 10 more minutes of warmth.  Sure, I was happy to be cuddling and filled with awe at you and the growing belly tucked under my arm, but mostly I was happy to be warm.  In fact, I was almost too warm but I was perfectly happy to stay where I was because it was hot.  I could have been sweating outright and I wouldn’t have moved.  All I could think was Hot?  Check.  Not moving. We were late to work.  But not for that reason.  We were late because no matter how tightly I plastered myself next to her, I was still cold.

I hate to admit this to you – after all, you’re still a glimmer in our eyes and we want to make a good impression.  But, two nights ago, we went to sleep when the house was 55 degrees.  We turned on the fan, as we usually do, and tried to sleep in our corner bedroom.  Those two exterior walls leached the last heat from the room (and us).  When I woke up (or rather got up, since I’d been awake off and on all night) and staggered to the shower, I saw that the temperature had dropped to 48 degrees.  Yes, Vegas, I made your mother sleep in a bedroom that was under 50 degrees.  Wikipedia says 46 degrees is an ideal fridge temp.  No doubt you thought you were in the veggie drawer.

I didn’t do this because I wanted to ice you (or your mother) but I had a dose of chilling reality when I opened the gas bill and realized we owed them 300 dollars.  You’re young yet, sunshine, but $300 is not something we take lightly.  We clip coupons.  We’re not spending $300 on heat in 30 days.  You’ll be wiping with 2 ply, I’m just saying.  So $300?  Way more than we expected and more than twice what we paid the month before.  We can afford it, but we won’t be able to afford both it and daycare.  So, unless you’re planning to be out working at the very mature age of six months, we’re in real trouble when next winter comes.

I’m not saying don’t get a job child, just wait til you can walk first.

So I admit it, I froze us all out because I panicked.  Vegas, this has been the coldest winter in decades and no one here remembers this much snow.  Ever.  Sorry kid, you missed the big, exciting winter that everyone is going to talk about for the rest of your childhood.  You know, “Oh remember the winter of 2010 (it’s twenty ten, son)?  I’ve never seen anything like it before or since!”  And then they’ll probably pinch your cheeks and tell you to get their iPhone.  I even made your mother call the gas company and they assured her that the reading was right and that it was just a very cold month.  Again, I’m sorry you’re missing out.  I saw a great snowman yesterday.

Resolve hardened, I made your mother huddle in a chair until it was time to huddle in bed and then we huddled together, just short of shivering, remembering the time grandma made us sleep in The Hole.  You’re going to hear about The Hole, Vegas, but don’t tell grandma that’s what we call her Wyoming basement when she makes us sleep in it in the middle of winter.  We’re having you as insurance against her.  Just so you know.  I can’t take another year of sleep in subzero temperatures.

It took me a full 48 hours to get warm again and then I turned the heat back up to a respectable 60.  I don’t know how we’re going to afford both you and heat, baby doll, but we’re going to have to work it out.  We’ll make it somehow.  I’m sure this isn’t the first time I’ll go to sleep thinking I can’t really take care of you.  For the record, your room stayed warm, even with the vent shut.  You might have the coziest spot in the house.

Enjoy it while you can.
Your mother, the heat miser.

5 Responses

  1. Lmao!! You are too funny.I’m very cold natured so it’s a battle to keep me warm. It’s a crying shame to live all winter cold to survive financially until spring.Been there done that.

    I have some tips if like?

  2. Pick a room that has a door so you can close it off from the rest of the place.Just do all your activities/living in that room ,so you only have to heat it. You don’t really need constant heat in the kitchen or bath.

    Does your gas company offer audit to reveal possible leaks or faulty equipment?

  3. Yeah, my bill doubled last month as well. I understand that it was a cold month, but dammit, I have a wood stove that runs 100% of the time we are home and the thermostat is 10 feet from said wood stove so it never turns on. When we are not home the heat is set around 55. I struggle to believe that the bill should jump so much when the heat is rarely on!

  4. When i lived in the Georgia mountains i rented a brick house. I was at work during the week day and out of town mostly on the weekends ,but my bill was still high.A freind suggested i have an audit done and low and behold the guy said the meter was from the 1800’s lol[slight exaggeration] and promptly replaced it with anew model. My bills were more reflective of my use after that.

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