Now Breathe…

Second childbirth class down.  This time, we worked on breathing AND sat on the floor which effectively minimized the staring because people were uncomfortably shifting around and pinching clothespins on their ears.

Clothespins.  On their ears.

THEIR ears because I was too much of baby to leave mine on MY ear.  I know!  My wife is going to go through all that labor pain and I can’t even put a clothespin on my ear?  I guess that rules out all those wild sex games I was thinking of.  Oh wait.  Don’t.  You’ll wake the baby.

So, clothespin-clad, most folks were too into their own zone to pay attention to us.  Or rather, we were too into our own zone to pay attention to them.  The pins were to stand in for contractions and while the instructor said (repeatedly) labor pain doesn’t feel like this gals! apparently they served as enough of a distraction for everyone to get their practicing poses on.  Though I’m not happy for D to be in pain, I’m kind of excited about this big thing we’re doing she’s doing and that we’re going to have the tools to cope with it.  I feel in a completely different place than I was last week when I’d never heard the terms PROPER LATCH or 24 HOURS OF LABOR in a sentence.

We might be getting the hang of this pregnancy thing.  Good thing we’ll have seven and half more weeks to enjoy it.  Holy shit, we’ve gotten so numerically low that my high school English teacher would insist I write out numbers.

I also successfully survived the first part of the class where I was grouped into a room with the men.  This was as uncomfortable as you’re imagining it was.  For all of us.  Apparently, I have more of that to look forward to as the class goes on. Don’t mind me boys, I’ll just sit over here, quietly, listening to you make jokes about the woman in labor in the shower.  Wait, can I say the punchline?  That’s what she said. Here’s hoping I can woo them with outstanding baked goods as we’re on the snack docket for next week.


One Response

  1. With all the other moms to be writing about their birthing classes, I can’t decide if I’m looking forward to them or not. We both tend to the anti-social side, and like to view situations where we’re surrounded by people not remotely like us as anthropological/sociological studies. (Our majors.) Overall, I’d have to say I’m looking forward to all the info. Our doc told us on our last visit to call the hospital around week 30 to schedule the class.

    Oh, but I guess if there’s snacks involved Nerdstar will be more than happy to attend!

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