Blown Up

I’m going into work tomorrow again and, not surprisingly, I’m wide awake at four in the morning.  I’d understand if it were the baby causing the early morning antics.  Though, all things considered, she’s well-behaved at night and lets us sleep through the worst hours.  Nope, I think I can blame this purely on stress.

Unlike before, I know I can’t be awake like this.  I can’t afford to be tired or headachy when I get home from work.  There’s no going to bed early or sleeping late on the weekends (though, saint that she is, my wife has let me get an extra hour on more than one Saturday).  Eventually, we’re going to have to start cooking again.  Cooking things that don’t require a box.  Or, are green.  For me, that takes some level of alertness.  As does staying patient during the fussy times, waking up in the middle of the night with the babe and smiling at my wife.

So even knowing that it’s my own happiness on the line if I stay up, it’s not like I can just scoot on back to bed.  With work looming, my head hurts more, I’m gritting my teeth, and once I’m awake, it’s near impossible to get back to sleep.  And I’m not even back to work full-time!

It seems like having a child magnifies everything.  On the downside, the tiniest stress seems insurmountable and the littlest aches are painful.  You’d think that knowing I need to be less tightly wound would help me start getting there, but it isn’t working that way.  Apparently, that unflattering personality quirk is magnified, too.  On the upside, I had no idea I could love my wife this much or be this happy day-to-day.  That makes up for feeling frustrated that I’m wide awake instead of happily sleeping.

3 Responses

  1. The best advice I’ve been given for stress/anger times is doing deep breathing for two or three minutes. All that oxygen really does help the brain.

  2. I was up at 4 am too. After two 4:30am wakeups this weekend, Owen slept until 6…but I woke up like an alarm clock. I’m like you…I start thinking about work, the baby, the fact that I’m not sleeping….and I stay awake. It makes for a very long day.

    Here’s hoping that both you and I can relax…and get more sleep. 🙂

  3. I am not looking forward to the whole going-back-to-work thing myself. And personally, knowing that I need to be less tightly wound just makes me wind up tighter, as I worry… about being wound. Good times.

    My best trick for insomnia, when it becomes utterly clear that I’m not going to fall back to sleep easily, is to just give in to it and go read for a while. Ideally something familiar and comforting, but interesting enough that I get pulled into the book and out of my head. And then I can (usually) stop chasing my own mental tail long enough to fall asleep when I get back in bed. In the end, I get more sleep if I get up and read for half an hour (or however long it takes) than if I continue lying in bed insisting that any second now I’m going to fall right back to sleep. But that’s maybe just me.

    And, since I’m a bit behind the times with this comment, how did the first day back go? Hopefully, well.

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