I’m going into work tomorrow again and, not surprisingly, I’m wide awake at four in the morning. I’d understand if it were the baby causing the early morning antics. Though, all things considered, she’s well-behaved at night and lets us sleep through the worst hours. Nope, I think I can blame this purely on stress.
Unlike before, I know I can’t be awake like this. I can’t afford to be tired or headachy when I get home from work. There’s no going to bed early or sleeping late on the weekends (though, saint that she is, my wife has let me get an extra hour on more than one Saturday). Eventually, we’re going to have to start cooking again. Cooking things that don’t require a box. Or, are green. For me, that takes some level of alertness. As does staying patient during the fussy times, waking up in the middle of the night with the babe and smiling at my wife.
So even knowing that it’s my own happiness on the line if I stay up, it’s not like I can just scoot on back to bed. With work looming, my head hurts more, I’m gritting my teeth, and once I’m awake, it’s near impossible to get back to sleep. And I’m not even back to work full-time!
It seems like having a child magnifies everything. On the downside, the tiniest stress seems insurmountable and the littlest aches are painful. You’d think that knowing I need to be less tightly wound would help me start getting there, but it isn’t working that way. Apparently, that unflattering personality quirk is magnified, too. On the upside, I had no idea I could love my wife this much or be this happy day-to-day. That makes up for feeling frustrated that I’m wide awake instead of happily sleeping.