This baby can sleep like the dead. When she wants to. Frankly, I could bang pots and pans – do, actually – outside her door and she’ll sleep blissfully through. Dog barking? Pshaw! She’s in the Land of Nod. Gunfire? Helicopters? Avalanches (yes, we live in a dangerous and unpredictable state of mind neighborhood)? Cloud nine. Eleven even. Then there are the times when she doesn’t want to. The time when a quiet knock on the door of the neighboring house will result in blasting screams from her crib. Not to mention the sound of our screen door opening, the dog woofing, the cat purring, the wings of angels silently fluttering. She’ll let you know how she feels about that racket and she doesn’t like it, NO SIR.
Ever the risk takers, we’ve been sleeping with her in our room since she was born. I did have to shun her to the other side of the bed at the beginning – not because I was waking her but because she was waking me. Now she sleeps over there, blissfully unfazed by my sleep talking, sleep scolding, sleep walking and other general sleep antics. I’m a fun one, hoo boy. But I’m not here to talk about sleep shenanigans. At least, not my own. The point is, she sleeps soundly for the first half of the night and she does that in our room. The other thing happening in our room is…us. Our sex drives have slipped back into sync. Well, it happened for a fleeting moment. And, during those moments, we’ve had a very nice time. A not totally quiet time. And that baby, bless her heart, SLEPT RIGHT THROUGH IT.
And that’s great. Cause I don’t intend to slip back into marital complacency. But what if we wanted to make noise? You know, actually sudden sounds? Sounds that are less like ooh baby right there and more like…something else? Some of you must have been through this and have excellent tips to share. Certainly, we’ll banish her to her room. But we’re talking about a brick house with wooden floors and the unfortunate ability to transmit noise like a whispering gallery from rafter corners to basement cobwebs. My only solution so far is to sidle up next to the HVAC system and have at it while the thing blows full blast. And you know that’s incredibly hot. I mean, just read that s sentence again. I used the word HVAC. Don’t you want to get down RIGHT NOW?
In an effort to protect your eyes (my own don’t need it, I assure you) I switched the comments for this post over so you can post anonymously and so that I can see them before/if they post. I’ll pretend you don’t know me and you pretend I don’t know you. Please tell me if you have any suggestions shy of getting a sitter. We’re not that into threesomes. 😉