I have more than my fair share of nerves today.  I’m nervous about visiting my family in Wyoming next week and the travel and lunacy that comes with that trip.  I’m nervous about staying home alone with my child this weekend while my wife goes to be a rockstar.  Not pretend y’all, she really sings.  And rocks.  And is the most awesome role model.  And is leaving us so people can gaze at her for a night and tell her how amazing her voice is and how much they love her music.  So excited for her.  Nervous for me and the babe.  Also, I’m taking on some of her nervousness (though I doubt she’s getting any relief) about playing out post-baby (though she sounds terrific).  And then there are the less concrete things.  Nervous about RR teething (and will she and when and how), about her skillz (mad, maybe, if I could ever see them) and how one day she’ll be going to college.

See? This is where it all goes terribly wrong.  The other night I lay awake wondering about my plan of escape when the zombie apocalypse happened, what size drill bit we’d need to screw boards over the windows and whether we’d remember to uncrate the dog.  Internet, I was  up all night deciding it would be better to let us all  be eaten than to have see my dog cower in front of a pack of brains crazed zombies and wondering what time the Lowe’s opened so I could pick up that special hammer drill.

I’m not the sane one in the family.

I hope it stays that way, with RR having inherited her mother’s stability (and willingness to overlook my instability).  I even have a host of mental health professionals in my phone contacts…and, you’ll be pleased to know, my appointment calendar.  Well, not a host.  But enough, people.  One of them said to me recently that things out of the ordinary, good or bad, cause stress to some degree.  “It’s sort of like seeing a tiger in the woods,” she said.  “Do you fight or flee?”  She laughed at herself for thinking of a tiger of all things, but I’ve used it as a touchstone since she said it.  Spilled coffee?  Just a tiger.  Late for a meeting?  Tiger.  Staying home alone with little tiny baby while hot wife drives far away to sing without me?  Tiger. Tiger!  Zombies?  TIGER. Thinking about tigers distracts me a bit, partly cause I can’t leave well enough alone.  Small tiger?  Big TIGER?  Dark orange? How do the stripes go?  And so forth.  And then it’s all tigers all the time which is okay, because then when I am starving (tiger) and running late (tiger) and insisting that I do not want to put my baby at the mercy of my brother-in-law’s snow driving skills (TIGER!) it all seems a little less threatening.

Also, if you have tigers, it helps to think about this:

4 Responses

  1. TIGER!

    If I saw a tiger in the woods I’d pee my pants, fall down and cry. But if I saw a shark in the woods I’d feel better. Because that shark should really be in the water and god, look at it, it runs like a girl.

  2. have you been watching the walking dead? i have been watching it, too much in fact that my anxiety has been running amok. so, your thought processes makes quite a bit of sense to me. TIGER!

  3. I have been watching the Walking dead, so that’s a good enough excuse I suppose. Thank goodness there are no zombie TIGERS. that would be a problem…

  4. Yesterday, as I was lying on the acupuncture table stuck with enough needles to make a porcupine blush, it occurred to me that when all the “support people” in our childbirth class were put in a group and told to list our fears, one of them said “zombie apocalypse”. So maybe it’s a parent thing? Worrying about how to protect our families from the undead? I should probably admit that I’ve had recurring nightmares (not often, fortunately, but when I do get them they’re fairly similar) about zombies for years. And I’m also the one who never says “come in” without seeing who is at the door, just in case it’s vampires and now I’ve invited them in. I don’t know if that will make you feel any better, or just make me sound totally crazy. Also, these are probably not the things you’re supposed to think about during acupuncture. Oh, well.

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