Out with the Old

D’s mother is very ill and she is spending New Year’s with her first family and not with RR and I.  This is, of course, the most right decision but I wish we were all together and that leaves me feeling selfish.

I’m not an overly superstitious person.  I know about superstitions (example: I register when a black cat crosses my path) but I don’t really think about them (example: oh there goes a kitty!)  I’m definitely not opposed to superstitions for luck – we do like to eat greens at the end of the year for money – but I mostly take them with a grain of salt (probably not thrown over the shoulder).

I didn’t realize I was so superstitious about the New Year.  Somewhere along the way, I got the idea that the way you welcomed the year determined the tone of the next 12 months.  To that end, I try to go into each year with a relatively clean space, good friends, good food and good will.  I try to be nice, return calls, practice kindness and tidy my personal affairs and physical area as much as possible.  I like to eat well, have fun and make good decisions.  In reflection, perhaps this was a superstition my parents inflicted to get stir crazy kids to be good on the last weekend home from school…

Spending New Year’s as a single parent is not how I want to go into 2011.  It makes me feel unsettled and worried.  It’s a silly, ungrounded superstition but I can’t quite shake it.  I’m worried about D and her mother, too.  And I can’t seem to do it all alone.  Dishes aren’t totally clean, nothing is tidy, RR and I spent almost all day in the house.

In the last hour though, I tried to look at things more positively (I said it was a hard superstition to crack, didn’t I?).  I had lobster tail for dinner with proper dishes (as opposed to the fudge, peanuts and pop tart I ate from my hands for lunch).  I emptied the dishwasher and made RR some pears for the week.  We took a short drive and returned already late library books.  I cuddled that baby practically to death.  I wrote for a while while she took a three hour nap.  I’ve kept D’s family in my thoughts and, as of 7:30, I’m doing a fair job of welcoming the year the way I’d like to spend it (except, of course, for the single parenting part).

I hope to find similar glimpses tomorrow.  It’s going to be warm.  Maybe a stroll, some sunshine, and so on.  Got any silly superstitions to share?

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One Response

  1. Sounds tough, but like you’re doing really well!! No superstitions here, but general worries. I can’t even remember the last New Years from one year to the next. We try to make the first day of the year nice, never been big on New Year’s Eve.

    Hang in there!!

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