The Nanny

The most important part of this story is that we don’t have a nanny.  Now that we have that settled, I have to admit something to you.  Sometimes, when I spend several days with RR alone, I pretend I’m the nanny.

Cause let’s be honest – the nanny knows something.  She knows that at some point during the day, there’s going to be a break.  She knows that I’m going to come home, sweep up the babe and relieve her from a day spent coloring and bubble blowing (hypothetically).  And then we all win.  Baby is happy with both nanny and mama and neither mama nor nanny wants to cover her head and whimper.

Of course, I have expectations of the nanny (hypothetically).  She’ll be clean and happy.  She will feed RR all manner of awesome snacks cut into the shape of adorable frogs and butterflies.  She will take long walks to look at pebbles, sticks and the ghost of the moon.  She will think it’s endlessly cute when asked to look at the moon for the 13th billion time.  Even if she doesn’t, she will never admit it.  She will think of fun things to do and stick to a routine.  She will not let RR race around like a hooligan in a diaper holding a clutch of dandelions in her tiny fist.  She will remember to put trash in the trashcan and not on the counter.  She will have no problem finding time to do a few lunch dishes while the baby naps.  She certainly isn’t hoping to grab as much time as possible to check her email.

And you guys?  I make a pretty awesome nanny. I’m not a bad mother either, but when I’m the nanny, I never get exasperated.  I never sigh a smidge too loud. I never chase her  insisting she eat her lunch right now.  I also have a serenity that pumps up my ability to laugh, be generous, love and tickle and hug and giggle and be such an amazing mother that, in return, she’s a pretty damn good baby.  I’m the most devoted nanny there ever was and when I get frustrated or overwhelmed I just think to myself, “You are getting paid for this.”  Although I haven’t gotten a check yet, I’m sure it’s in the mail.

I have endless admiration for the folks that spring headlong into the day with their toddler.  For those that don’t, I offer you my coping technique.  Just don’t forget, you are totally getting fired if you sit on the couch eating cheetos all day and making out with your boyfriend while the baby draws on the wall.


6 Responses

  1. I’m home on maternity leave for another 6 weeks and I am totally going to remember this when I am having A DAY.

  2. I love this entry!

  3. Oh man. I’m going to try that one of these days. Maybe it’ll help.

  4. I love this post! Made my day. 🙂

  5. If we had another car, I would offer to be her nanny for the summer. (I’m pretty sure we live within an hour of y’all.)

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