Like a Bird…

You guys, I’ve had too much coffee and all the things I’ve been tucking away to say to you are now waiting just behind my teeth.  This thought is the first one:

I have had too much coffee.  

I realize that some of you, D included, could drink vats of it and go traipsing through the day without talking speedily and darting about.  Too much for me is, apparently, one and one half cups.  In the morning, I drink a cup of the cold-brewed stuff which not only makes it magically taste like fruit and toast but also makes it go down fast.  It’s not even a cup since I dump ice into it because I enjoy things that make me feel like I am inhaling a snowbank.  As an occasional drinker before turning paleo, I now am religious about it because it’s not eggs which, seriously, stare me down in the mornings until I crumple under the pressure.  This paragraph has been brought to you by too much coffee.

This morning, I stopped to get an extra cup for D and I  (hot, black, no room), drank about half of it, and then made a series of bad decisions.  By 10, my day had managed to flip me the bird.  I’m pretty sure it’s in cahoots with eggs I didn’t eat this morning.  Bygones, I think to myself, but this is not a good way to start the morning.  So allow me to take on the crap of your day for you.  After all, I’ve very little left to blunder into myself.  It’s a free pass for the day.  Every time you catch yourself thinking, “Why did I do that?” or “I hate it when that happens.” or, “My boss/baby/wife/neighbor is a douchecanoe.” just think of me and say, “When M gets here, she’ll kick this you/ this/that attitude into last week.  So suck it!”

I’ll be your superhero.  We all need one every once in awhile, right?

Advertisements

4 Responses

  1. Three cheers for your use of “douchecanoe!”

  2. Dude, you can totally kick my new co-worker into next week. Or farther. And I’m a terrible person for saying that, because she’s not mean, just obnoxious. But seriously. *Sigh.*

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: