I am on day four of a migraine that just won’t quit. I’m the biggest migraine if/then-er I know. This comes, I’m sure, of a mother who simultaneously suffered from migraines and denied their very existence. Well, we’re not even going to talk about that.
You’d think that the mental untangling I do at the sign of a headache would actually prolong it but it makes me feel like I’m doing something. Doing something is the only thing that makes me feel better (even though it has no impact on the actual headache). On day four though, I’ve pretty much run out of things that count as doing something. Right now I’m in the “vengeance as a form of subjugation” stage but I know that this will followed by “give into despair” and “blindly go to the doctor for help in order to avoid the ER”. The ER is the final step and happens once a decade or so. Mainly because a) in the end their drugs never actually work and b) migraine complaints tend to fall to the bottom of the stack since they are an easy excuse for drug seekers. I could spend those four waiting room hours in my house drinking water and moaning at the lights just as easily as I can spend them in a loud place, waiting for an IV with skeptical physicians. Your mileage may vary.
According to the internet (and who can argue with that), one of the most common migraine triggers is a change in the weather. Although my headaches are not always due to shifts in barometric pressure, that hasn’t stopped me from buying a barometer, following weather.com’s migraine report, and warily eyeing any coming front. For the record, I fully blamed the recent storm on the east coast for the start of this headache despite the official migraine forecast of 1 (on a scale of 1-10). I have also blamed wheat (paleo seemed to decrease the headaches), tension (personally-manufactured life stress ftw), house guests (invited), happily screaming toddlers (routine), vigorous leaf-raking, lack of exercise, dehydration, over-hydration, alcohol consumed a week prior, sleeping too late, too little caffeine, too much coffee, not enough protein for breakfast, bright sunlight, lack of vitamin D, and lack of sex. As a result, I have attempted to soothe my head with everything from wrapping a bandana tightly around my skull (hot, see lack of sex) to applying heat to laying around in the dark feeling inordinately sorry for myself (and everything in between).
Today, I’m applying fluorescent lights, working out at the gym and a midday toddler halloween parade under the theory that violently circulating blood and copious squinting will force the demon from my brain. Oh yes, friends, we’ve gone medieval. By the way, I’m totally that girl who would have asked for trepanation. Don’t think I haven’t considered self-application in some of my weaker moments. I’ve just been too paralyzed to drive to the store for the proper drill bit (sadly, not sane enough to rule it out completely). I’ve also written to you in the theory that distraction and editing tiny text will be the thing that makes it slink off in defeat. P.S. It’s not working.
So thanks for being a part of my latest attempt to cure myself. I’m going to whine on my way to the gym now and speculate on the possibility of halloween candy working for (as opposed to against) my cause. And guys, at our house, there’s a whole lot of cuteness in the form of a two-yr-old saying, “TWICK O TWEAT”. Happy Halloween.