I don’t have much to brag about these days. If you like, I could tell you about all the things that aren’t going right starting with such gems as my two year old suddenly wakes up at 6:30 instead of 7:30 and even though I’m not usually the one that gets up with her, I wish she wouldn’t and boy it sure rained a lot this week, didn’t it? I expect that you wouldn’t feel much symapthy for me. Other things aren’t fit to share because I don’t want you to fall asleep, driven by sheer boredom to close your eyes and pretend I’m not here. I can take a hint. I see you yawning.

I’m an “At least…” sort (in this case I am using Jen’s blueberry muffin example to elevate the fact that I have no dark colored, summer shirts. Stop yawning). I may feel frustrated (we painted our room white but you’d think it was blue) and even occasionally hopeless (how can we have a baby when I can’t even keep the house clean) but it doesn’t last long. There’s usually an “at least” rolling around in my head.

At least I got those gorgeous bushes planted before it rained.
At least my parents have gone home.
At least it was sunny enough to ride my bike today.
At least my wife is kind and thoughtful.

Leaving that aside, let’s get back to the thing I can brag about. The doctor referred to my test results as enviable. Isn’t that the best? Can you imagine getting your English paper back and instead of a gorgeous red A+ it said ENVIABLE? Or, what if maple syrup just skipped Grade A and said ENVIABLE MAPLE SYRUP on the label? How about the car mechanic saying that your wipers need to be replaced but that your brakes are ENVIABLE? Your life would be 100% better.

The HSG* met expectations. The asterisk is there for those of you that don’t know what an HSG is, why you’d have one, or are simply curious as to what happens. It’s at the end so that you can skip it if you like because, seriously, unless your fallopian tubes are ENVIABLE, no one wants to hear about them. I enjoyed watching the xray screen because, again, science is awesome and also because it distracted me from the level 7 discomfort (where level 8 involves tears, level 9 involves dragging myself to safety and level 10 is death). The doctor was able to say in the moment that everything was working as expected.

Yesterday, we went in for a sum up of the results. I suppose at this point I’m a refreshing patient; there’s no lack of fertility, just a lack of sperm. We didn’t spend much time discussing options and by that I mean:

Doctor: So did we decide to do a medicated cycle, try clomid?
Me: God, no.
Doctor: Cool, daddy-o.

Well, something like that. I admit that I was a little surprised that my plumbing works better than the rest of my entire body but he reassured me by double checking the result of the blood tests and commenting that my levels were ENVIABLE** that he was OPTIMISTIC. At a fertility clinic, better words were never uttered.

And, because even if we have to have boring chicken for dinner, at least we live in an amazing world where my phone can alert me to pending ovulation. And so I get to start looking for that smiley face in the ovulation kit so I can introduce some sperm to my ENVIABLE eggs. While the odds are never in favor of being pregnant, at least there’s nothing lowering the chance that a love connection awaits.

* So how does an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) feel and what happens? I’m sending you to a new page to spare those of you who already know or who really don’t want to read about my internal organs.

** That’s right, I used both italics AND capitalization. My writing is ENVIABLE.


6 Responses

  1. Wait, you’re supposed to be able to keep your house clean in order to raise a kid? Shit.

    • Oh thank goodness. I was pretty sure the house cleaning police were going to stop by to ask why I haven’t cleaned that one persistant corner of grout. Or…uh…everything else.

  2. Yay! I’m so excited for your ENVIABLE bill of health. Let the baby making attempts begin!

  3. I feel that a messy house is more like preparation for two kids. The number of people making messes is going to be at least equal to the number of people cleaning them up! And as my aunt likes to say, a clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

  4. I am most definitely envious of your enviable test results. But more importantly I’m very excited for you!

  5. Rock on, you and your *enviable* reproductive system. That’s awesome.

    And actually, I feel like learning to live with the house being less than perfectly clean is good preparation for a baby anyway. (I know that you already have a kid and all, but I can only imagine it gets… more so, with additional offspring.) My general standard is that if it’s not a health hazard, it’s not really urgent. PB’s standards are higher than mine, which is probably good for the rest of us, but makes life harder for her, I think.

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