Today, I

I had a creative writing teacher in high school who started every class with “Today, I…” statements. Our directive, to write at least 15 sentences beginning with “Today, I (feel, think, believe, know, am, etc.)” served to loosen our minds in preparation for writing. It was also centering, something to which I was oblivious but, considering my excellent teacher, was probably the point. Although I’ve never enjoyed formal writing classes, exercises like this stick with me, serving as a solid platform when everything else is quicksand. Even though I skipped that class all too often, my journals that year and for years after were woven with Today, I…

Things around here are quicksand.

Today, I am anxious about a busy work week.
Today, I was exasperated with RR and I felt terrible about my short temper.
Today, I rushed things when settling into them wouldn’t have been so bad.
Today, I feel frustrated with my body.
Today, I thought I needed time alone but it turns out I just needed quiet.
Today, I slid down slides, rocked on a teeter totter and chased my daughter at the park.
Today, I started the day laughing with my wife and kid at breakfast.
Today, I’m bitter that I don’t have any signs of pregnancy.
Today, I googled “11 days post ovulation” one too many times.
Today, I wished we had plans to go to the beach.
Today, I my wife brought RR and I popcorn (which was the best thing that happened).

Today, I could still be pregnant. I’m probably not. But I could be. Today, I’m postponing disappointment one more day.

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9 Responses

  1. Today, I scrambled around the house getting it ready to put on the market. Today, I watched my toddler dance around the living room to Ralph’s World. Today, my mind wandered back the people I “know” who are working on baby #2. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for all of you.

    • Thank you. And in return I will tell you that today I gleefully watched RR imitate all of Macklemore’s moves in the Thrift Shop video. Six times. Yes, yes I did.

  2. “Today I am postponing disappointment one more day.” Yes. Yes, I feel this so so much. ❤

  3. Miserable, isn’t it?

    I will throw in here that my own feeling on whether or not I might be pregnant have been far from accurate. See June 2010 for a fine example of my Just Knowing I wasn’t. See March 2011 for birth of said un-baby.

  4. I hate that waiting game. Thinking of you. (also, it was in the 50s here yesterday, and our daughter kept asking to go to the beach. I don’t think there’s a day that she doesn’t wish for beach plans!)

  5. Thinking of you guys and your waitin’. Everything crossed for you.

  6. Still have stuff crossed for you.

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