Obviously Allergic To His Sperm. Obviously.

You guys, I hope my wife isn’t quietly seething inside,* because I am about to tell you one of the things I love about her. I love her ability to take my broad, sweeping, generalized whims and turn them into reality. For example, when we decided it would be a good idea to have another child, she sprang into action and narrowed down the huge donor pool into a few possibles. She took care of the detailed searching, listening to/reading profiles, and selected a few to send to me. As usual, I thought all of her very carefully researched choices were wonderful, offered an opinion, and we settled on a pick. She says she likes this weeding part whereas I would be overwhelmed by the detail and, subsequently, die.

Our previous donor described himself as laid back. His interview was laid back. The answers to his questions were laid back. My wife is also laid back. I’m pretty sure that his sperm met her egg and she got pregnant simply because the pair fell asleep and accidentally attached to the uterine lining. Enter RR. Hold on, she’s still asleep.

It’s no surprise that when his sperm slipped in to meet MY egg, the results were unsuccessful. They probably took one look around and fainted dead away. I certainly didn’t respond well to that first IUI. It was very uncomfortable and I spent the entire first week complaining about the pressure, cramping, gurgling, and bloating. Picture bubbling acid melting through plastic. That’s actually what I thought my insides must look like.

This IUI was completely different (same doctor). It didn’t hurt as much and there has been very little to remark upon. Some noise directly after the insemination but then business as usual. This donor is ambitious and driven. He climbs mountains. He climbs those same mountains again to rappel into unexplored caves. Those sperm probably sidled up to my egg and started comparing adventures and then, my egg being mine, quickly tired of the oneupmanship, started scanning the uterus for other sperm to talk to, decided she was too lazy to move on, and promptly, hopelessly fell right into him**.

Well, let’s hope they bumped into each other. For better or for worse, the positive evening stick meant using both vials at once instead of doing IUIs on two consecutive days. Assuming my egg showed up, she’ll have to be pretty wily not to run into one of those guys. Here’s hoping for the best!

* She’s not really the seething sort. I think when I married her I won at life.

** Note: this is not a metaphor for my joining with my wife. I assure you, it took an extraordinary amount of mutual drive and commitment to bring us together. That said, I might have used it all up on her.

6 Responses

  1. I am crossing all the things!

  2. Too funny. Love the visual. Fingers crossed for you both! Majorly jealous that you’re post-iui since my cycle won’t even cooperate enough to get us through the door. Frustrating!

    • That completely sucks. It seems so unreasonable that we only get to try once a month – IF that. Thanks biology…for nothing!

  3. Ours is also a rock climber, and a buddhist, making his sperm goal oriented, but not stressed about the process. Stuff crossed for you!

  4. Hoping this is the one!

  5. Hope you get a positive sticky baby result!

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