Nothing is Going As Expected

You all, there’s a whole lot of upheaval in this neck of the woods.

Today is RR’s last day at her current school and she’s moving on to Montessori on Monday. This week has been hard for her. Her classmates have been visiting with their new teachers and their shining faces have suddenly appeared on a bulletin board across the hall…without RR. Artwork is being taken down and people keep hugging her. A lot. Saying goodbye in advance.

I’m not particularly good at goodbyes. I think when most people say that what they mean is a sort of Pretty Woman definition. The, I can’t be here for this run out of the room, sort of goodbye. I don’t mind saying goodbye, it’s just that I’m totally going to cry. Everywhere. Lasts just kill me. The last time I’ll see you. The last time I’ll be here. The last time whatever.

I cried when I dropped RR off this morning. Just a little. I expect to cry when I pick her up. I’m going to try very, VERY hard not to because she still interprets tears as catastrophes, but I’m bringing tissues nonetheless.

D is away, has been away, and isn’t going to be back until Sunday. Paired with the upheaval at school, I suddenly have a baby on my hands again. Carry me like a baby, she says. Hold me, mama. Feed me like a baby, she pleads. She even held out her cup to me this morning and suggested I hold it for her like a bottle. She appears rather nonchalant about the idea of a new school but clearly something is taking a toll.

I’m not particularly chill myself. With no ovulation kit change as expected, I’m looking at a weekend IUI (at least I hope so). That means that I’m negotiating the IUI alone AND figuring out what to do with RR. The lovely and amazingly good-natured starrhillgirl has offered to take her for a Saturday morning visit, for which I’m eternally grateful. Let’s not even consider what will happen if I need to be at the IUI clinic, hanging out with RR AND picking D up at the airport all at the same time on Sunday morning. Shh. Don’t even THINK it.

This, of course, assumes I ovulate at all. The clinic nurse assured me today that to be delayed on the first clomid cycle was not at all unusual and (sort of) reassured me that I probably didn’t miss the boat and ovulate super early. She was not that reassuring when I asked a basic biology question about the lack of, ahem, activity and whether I could ovulate without it. It has happened, she said. Not to read too much into it but a yes or x doesn’t have anything to do with y would have been far more reassuring.

Wish us luck.

10 Responses

  1. Wishing you boatloads of luck. I was even going to offer you all of MY luck, but my luck has been pretty crappy, so I’ll just keep it over here. My luck is kind of like Dobby trying to “help” Harry Potter.

  2. What a momentous weekend. Good luck! I’m crossing all the things.

  3. Lots of luck. And I’ve got some free time this weekend – I would be more than happy to have some 3 year old company.

  4. That sounds stressful, so sorry! If we lived closer I would totally take on RR for you.

    Also, if

    • Stupid comment posted sooner than expected. I was going to say, ALSO, if it will make you feel better I will share that my first cycle on clomid (the one that resulted in Pax, incidentally!) I didn’t ovulate until CD19. And I was super stressed about it too, but obviously it worked- my proof is bouncing in his bouncer and teething! So, chin up and all that. 🙂

  5. You all are the best.

  6. Oh, we have a Montessori here and we have thought about the possibility of putting Punky in it. That’s pretty awesome. I am hoping the best for your cycle, Meridith, and for the stresses to be lessened sooner, rather than later!

  7. I am so behind on blogs – but I want to tell you that would it have been possible, RR would have had a pair of British nannies PSYCHED to have taken her on a wee adventure while her Mum does some knockin’ up… I hope all is well and that you’re feeling a little more peaceful by now 🙂

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