In Which My Coping Mechanism Might Get the Better of Me

You guys, I prefer pragmatic to pessimist. I don’t always assume the worst will happen but I do prepare for the worst so that I can make the most of it if it does happen. When the worst case scenario is suddenly reality, I’m often past it before it can get the better of me. I’m pretty sure my former therapist (not former because she wasn’t awesome, which she is, former because I am mostly sane and mostly broke. Voila. Former.) would call this negative fortune-telling or some such. It’s not a self-fulfilling prophecy though, as I said, the worst rarely happens.

Aha, you say, but you’re dwelling on the negative! And I’ll concede that you could look at it that way. But, in almost all situations, I’ve come up with solutions long before you could call it dwelling. Flight being cancelled? Out of my control. Not self-fulfilling negativity. But, because I considered the possibility, I’m usually able to bounce back (at least when not stranded with my family) and make the best of it. It’s a coping mechanism, not something I spend all day doing.

Coping with not having a baby has been well within the “dwelling” zone. Again, I reject the idea that this is a self-fulfilling prophecy, though my mother would certainly insist that by even considering it, I’m making it come true. While I agree that our thoughts have power, I’m not caving on this one, if I’m thinking myself unpregnant, then I’ll eat my hat.

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That has left me in a difficult position. I’m coping with this. Debra and I have been keeping a running list of all the reasons why just having one child is a really good idea. But now I’m late and I have to admit, having just one sounds great. I’m afraid I’ve dug a very uncomfortable hole.

So I’m late, but only by a day and the pregnancy test I took still screams negative. As has been the case this entire cycle, I have no symptoms of anything. No PMS, no anything. I’m not down with this, as you can imagine. This coping strategy suddenly is making things very…awkward.

 

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4 Responses

  1. So, this month is when I stopped my birth control. And a mere two weeks after my cycle another one starts…but just for a few days. Now my tracking software is confused because it has two cycles in one month. I am confused because I have no clue what will happen with my body going forward, and all I can do is just test ovulation and see what shows up. lol My main answer? Biology is freakin weird! It’s possible you are pregnant. It’s possible you aren’t. It’s possible that if you aren’t, your body is making an adjustment to align things better for your next attempt.

    My current theory with my body is that, since I made a request that everything work out to be the most benevolent outcome, my body made an adjustment for that to happen. I won’t really know until November’s ovulation comes, and even then, won’t know until the pregnancy tests.

    This waiting period is all about faith and keeping doubt at bay. I do that with various techniques, the easiest of which is requesting benevolent outcomes. They are super easy and work quite well. You can learn about them quickly here: http://gentlewaybook.com/chapters.htm
    Why not give them a try through this process? It won’t hurt, and it might just push you over the top! I will request a benevolent prayer for you right now. “I ask any and all beings for a most benevolent outcome for Meredith and Debra as they intend to have another child. I ask that they are led to whatever is needed to help them, and that the results are even greater than they imagine or expect. Thank you.”

    Hang in there!

  2. I have the same coping mechanism, although I confess that it hasn’t really been working for me much throughout this process. If you come up with something better, please let me know. I think I’m going to start holding tryouts for varsity coping mechanisms.

  3. Oh – I’m a little bit heartbroken for you, which I’m sure is nothing compared to the reality you guys are facing. This preparing for the negative thing, I do it too, it’s a coping strategy, but isn’t it also a defence mechanism? So that those strong walls are built and ready to defend just in case you find yourself having to deal with something that hurts?

    Count your blessings, remember everything beautiful that you guys have – but give equal time and thought and weight to the things that haven’t worked out the way you planned them, mourn what isn’t going to be – try to let your feelings float about you without you trying to grab at them to keep them close and in control.

    Lots of love to all of you x

  4. […] my wife has been documenting, this cycle has been decidedly wackadoo.  Compared to the previous cycles where […]

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