Oh have we played fast and loose with RR’s world. Several nights this week she has gone to be after 7pm.


Oh. You were thinking about her 7pm bedtime. I saw that side-eye.

hippo side eye

My friends, we have put RR to bed at 7 from the start and she likes it. In fact, when we keep her up, she delivers a package of noyoujustdidn’t that would fell even the mightiest of parents. But for one reason or another we haven’t had her to bed before 8 and if you come to our house you can see the very foundations of our world crumbling before your eyes. It’s like the moment before the sinkhole. It’s not good.

Before you know it we are IN the sinkhole. And we’re making it worse by scrabbling around looking for ways to distract her from her sugar/excitement/chaotic high in ways that turn her into even more of a monster. They are well-intended gestures. Here, baby, watch a little TV while we get ready for work turns into PUT YOUR SHOES ON OR I WILL. Well, I don’t know what. I’ve never gotten to the point before where every other sentence is “So help me god if you don’t…”

When I do finish the sentence I follow through. This, of course, results in epic tantrums because for some reason she hasn’t yet caught on that if I say “Please listen or I will leave the room.” I actually will leave the room. I don’t fool around, you all. Suddenly I can see why people start to drown in a pool of time-outs. That route would be ineffective for RR who puts her own self in time out, cackling happily at the break from you, me, life, everything.

We’re trying to bring the bedtime routine back, but weekends of birthday parties and late nights and dinners drawn skeptically from the depths of the refrigerator have resulted in a the return of the wolverine*. I am not happy to see you again, no sir. Please tell me this is not what four is like**.



*Given the number of times I have compared RR to a wolverine, I’m considering a domain change. It’s a good thing is available.

**Unless you are Becky who makes no secret that four is what makes her child an only child.

13 Responses

  1. Your posts always make me laugh, that and look forward to when I have a kid of my own. 🙂

  2. Three is actually why my child is a an only child, not four. Four starts with F for a reason, but by the end of it, was an improvement over three.
    Twelve, on the other hand, may actually be the most challenging age yet. I miss four like you wouldn’t believe.

    • I was a terrible 12 year old. I’m sorry I don’t have better news…

      On Fri, Jun 20, 2014 at 9:47 AM, Counting Chickens wrote:


  3. A week and a half into 4, we are loving it. 3 was freaking hard. We (um, OK, I) have been saying a lot of, “well, you’re a big 4 year old now! What you’re doing is what 3 year olds do.” So far, it works a little tiny bit. That kid wants to be big.

    • I think we could absolutely get leverage with that approach! I’m pretty sure that’s how we made our way to potty training. And by way I mean painful, tortuous, totally not complete, path.

      On Fri, Jun 20, 2014 at 9:52 AM, Counting Chickens wrote:


  4. Oh god this made me laugh. It reminds me of how when I was little and misbehaved I’d get sent to my room. I LOVED being sent to my room. Endless time to sit alone and play in peace without my nagging grouchy mother? Sign me up. She’d tell me to come down when I’m ready to apologize. I’d stay up there all freaking day.

    • This is absolutely what RR would do. And, I admit it, I’d enjoy the peace and quiet!

      On Fri, Jun 20, 2014 at 11:26 AM, Counting Chickens wrote:


  5. Yeah, we are paying for that easier than average two year old year over here. It’s a very good thing I just plain like three year olds. Because lord have mercy, this one puts me through my paces some days.

    • Despite my complaining, we had a mostly easy 3-yr-old so I quake in fear.

      On Fri, Jun 20, 2014 at 3:23 PM, Counting Chickens wrote:


  6. Funny… and relatable 🙂

  7. It sounds like you are doing a great job. I love reading your posts.

    A question: Why can’t I reply to some of your other post? It said they have been closed to comments. Why is that?

    Have a nice day.

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