Holy shit. Did that happen?

I imagined the moment in my mind: a hotter than usual spring day at work, watching live feeds and twitter streams, waiting for news about the Supreme Court’s decision in Someone vs. The State that would change my life. I imagined the agonizing wait between the decision in some other state and the inevitable consequence in Virginia – the day we, too, would get the right to be married.

I did not imagine that I would wake up on a completely unremarkable Monday in October with a slight cold and by 11am I’d be rushing to the Courthouse. I was married on Monday. MARRIED. To my gorgeous wife. Married.


Civil rights. Civil fucking rights. They deserve their own moment. It’s all their own moment. But today is to tell you about my wedding.

In that almost-wedding-moment in August, I bought a dress that was too plum-colored and too heavy for summer. Independently, my wife’s best person helped her pick out a tie that matched perfectly. We threw them on and rushed to the courthouse to stand in line for marriage license. I guess you can’t leave rights out, after all. The room slowly filled with other couples and members of the press. The tiny space was chaotic and filled with happy families waiting for that very moment when it would be legal to sign the first license.


We couldn’t have planned it better – the press followed the first family out to the courthouse steps and in the silence, Debra and I committed to each other, again, in front of the Clerk of the Court.

The community started there, with the hugs and the handshakes from our fellow brides and grooms and the enthusiastic embrace from the Clerk. It followed us to the steps of the courthouse where we settled in to watch the string of ceremonies, listened to the happy honking from passing cars, and began to panic, a little, about everything going right.




Before we got there, we called our local families and our best friends and planned on a 3:30 ceremony. Yes, we’d have to wait two hours, but the license was in hand and we were likely to make it before the Supreme Court could take it away. There’s that rights thing, popping up again. A co-worker arrived with a veil, her own balsa-wood bouquet, and a tiny champagne bottle with paper cups. Friends left their offices. Their children walked over with picked wildflowers for RR. My parents brought RR and we slipped her into a new dress. And then it happened.


We were married. We are MARRIED. In the state that we live in. Married.

I could talk your ear off. About the press and our fellow newlyweds. About the tremendous outpouring of support from our community. About the gifts our friends gave us – their presence, a serenade from the steps, their joy in this victory. We’re married. You can share our moment here and here and here. I’m not promising this is the last you’ll hear about this. I’m still overwhelmed and a little tongue-tied. But I wanted to tell you, because you are always here to listen, that I am filled with joy and amazement and a sense of gratification.







34 Responses

  1. Hooray! Congratulations! And lovely pictures.

  2. Yesss!!! *fist pump* I don’t know how I missed that VA was included in that roll of states, but I totally did. I’m pretty sure VA just got bumped waaay up on our list of states to move to next. Congratulations!!

  3. Much love and joy and peace (and happy chaos). Congratulations!

  4. Congratulations! So wonderful!

  5. Congratulations!!!! Beautiful

  6. The BEST. I am so happy for you guys! Congratulations!

  7. You two look beautiful. And little rr is so cute

  8. Congratulations, this is wonderful! So happy for you 😀

  9. Congratulations! Such a beautiful family!

  10. Yippee! You look lovely in that dress and your wife’s tie does indeed match perfectly. What a day! Xx

  11. Spectacular! So many congratulations. Virginia IS for lovers. And spouses too. I’m so happy for you. Soooo happy.

  12. Congrats! 🙂

  13. Ahhh congratulations!!!! So so so happy for you guys.

  14. Congratulations!! You all look lovely, I’m so happy for you 🙂

  15. So so so so so happy for you! Your family was the first I thought of when the news came through. HUGE congratulations!!!

  16. This makes my heart happy! Giant mazel tov to you all! MARRIED!

  17. I’m really happy for you!

  18. Yaaaaaaay!!!! Big fat congratulations!!!

    I, too, missed that VA was included in the list of states. Mine was as well- yay for legal recognition for us both! Can’t wait to do state taxes next year :p

  19. !!!!!! Congratulations. I love everything about this post, most especially the looks on your faces. You wear equality well.

  20. I love this post! I can feel all of your excitement! Congrats! And look at that little face watching her moms getting married! I’m so happy!

  21. What a great post! Congrats! We were five days behind you!

  22. What a great post! Congrats! We were five days behind ya!

  23. MAZAL TOV! You all three look so happy and RR is right there in the middle just like she should be.

  24. I am so happy for you. You have no idea who I am and I live in another country thousands of miles away from you, but when I read this news about Virginia on the BBC I remembered reading your blog which I randomly found a while back when looking for lesbian mum stories, and I thought of you. A complete stranger far far away has tears in her eyes at the fact you are married. Congratulations x

  25. Awwwww, congratulations!!!!

  26. Congratulations!! As soon as the decision came down I thought of you guys. I have been waiting to see this post ever since. You all look beautiful and happy. So many congratulations.

  27. Congratulations Newlyweds!

  28. Yay! Congrats guys!

  29. Congratulations to you three! Such an exciting, and unexpected, day for us all. You look so happy 🙂

  30. I just love this post. I love RR’s face in that picture watching you exchange rings. It’s just beautiful!

  31. this post made me cry! great big fat tears of happiness, sending tons of congratulations and love your way. to our country and society and your state i say: it’s about frickin time. to you 2 newlyweds, plus your beautiful daughter, i say: much love and gratitude and peace and happiness for all the many years to come.

  32. Jeez .. I drop off the end of the blogging earth for 6 months and return to find you married!? MARRIED!? Arrrhhhh my heart is singing for you guys, seriously … amazing. I’m proud for you and all yours.

    Also. When did RR grow up!? I feel like I’ve come back from the nether regions of no-where. That kid has doubled in cuteness and size!

    Also also… did you guys get married on 6th October? Because I, like, totally got married on the 5th.

    Being married rocks, right?

    From someone who used to be known as Silly Wrong but Vivid Right 🙂

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