I’ve Got You

I picked my father up off of the floor for the first time. He’s not a small man and I couldn’t do it alone. He fell in the hallway, crashing into the ground, into the wall, smashing his head and neck into a strange position. I slipped him to the side and watched as he quaked. My not delicate, strong as an ox, can fix everything, dad has fallen a lot lately. Usually, it’s just my mom with him and after an hour or so he recovers enough for the two of them to drag him back into a chair. Next time, 911, my mother says. I don’t think the falls really sunk in until I found myself kneeling, arms around my father, meeting my wife’s eyes.

It’s okay, dad, I’ve got you.
You sure, kid?Of course. You spent so much time scooping me up, it’s my turn now.

But the truth is, I did not have him. I was in no way certain I wasn’t going to collapse. We did it though, the three of us together, dragging him back into a chair. My mother was hiding.

The doctor doesn’t have a good reason for the falls. His cerebellum is swelling on both sides a bit, but that doesn’t explain the way he walks, the tremors, or the falls. Although, the doctor says, the are some things that signify Parkinson’s and they suspect that, if the swelling goes down and things don’t return to the usual, shitty, state of normal, that it may well be this, completely unrelated, disease.

Because of course the fuck it is.


6 Responses

  1. Sending love friend, and HUGE hug filled with prayers and light…

  2. I’m sorry you’re going through this, on top of the cancer. The tremors and falling sound like my FIL. They suspected Parkinson’s at first, but eventually found it was Lymes.

    Love and prayers for you all ❤

  3. Oh, honey, I’m sorry. Has your mom come around to the idea of hospice yet?

  4. This just sucks. xo

  5. Thinking of you. Does he have a walker or cane to help with balance? Hope you are taking care of yourselves and each other as best as you can.

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