Marriage is Hard

Believe me, when my wife read that title she was a bit put out. Well, I assume. It’s not as though this is new information though.

You see, the truth is hard. She knows it. I know it. You know it, dear reader. My wife and have a strong relationship. I often feel lucky knowing how in love she is with me and I with her. Not that love is the sole indicator of strength. It’s commonalities, compassion, shared experiences. We’ve known each other since 1998. Did you see that? Twenty years. We’ve been married less than that, of course. It took us awhile to untangle the small knots and webs tying us to everything but each other. I was elated when we moved in together and over the moon when we got married. We have so much fun together and always have. We adventure, she and I, and it’s delightful.

Now I’m not blaming our daughter. Or where we live. Or what we do. But somewhere, somehow, in the last several years the solid foundation we put up at the beginning began to get in our way. It became hard to do the things we used to love to do and then we started to bicker. I assume every couple argues now and again. We have a particularly famous disagreement titled Why Did You Drive This Direction? and are long time participants in the How Do You Not Remember That? siege. I’m a fan of the Exasperated Sigh and she is well acquainted with Hot Face resulting from sudden (and fleeting) anger.

We’re not supposed to use that word, right? Angry? It’s not a word that you want to hitch to a happy marriage. I think that’s unreasonable, by the way. Everyone gets angry. It’s how you handle it that makes, or breaks, the marriage. It isn’t breaking ours. The resentment, the lack of communication, the disconnects – that’s what’s corroding all those careful, pretty, connections between us.

Neither one of us are interested in letting go, giving up, or walking out. Instead we headed to a counselor’s couch to talk about really super awkward things, like sex. You guys, this shit is not easy. I don’t have a roadmap. I never watched my own parents go through this. The only outcome I’m interested in is the one that keeps our bond as strong as it ever was. Is there any point then in counseling, if neither of us are giving up no matter what?

Something seems to be working. It’s hard, feeling like there’s no one to talk to. I thought I’d tell you though, I think it’s working. I think it’ll be just fine.

 

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One Response

  1. Marriage IS hard – and we all go through these cycles that leave us worried the foundation won’t hold (we may or may not have been in that place recently), but kudos to you for working through it. We’ve seen some dear friends split in the last few years and it has given us pause – does this mean we won’t last? In the end, I think if you have a basis of love, you can find ways of working through all the rest.
    I hope this theory is right….because some days, marriage is just bleeping hard.

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